Amidst the chaos of divorce, one of the most critical choices you will make is selecting the right divorce attorney. This person will be your advocate, your strategist, and your guide through one of the most challenging periods of your life.

Choosing the right legal counsel can mean the difference between a dignified, amicable resolution and a draining, expensive legal battle. However, many people make hasty decisions based on stress, fear, or misleading advertisements. To help you navigate this crucial selection process, here are the top ten things you should absolutely avoid when choosing a divorce attorney.

Top 10 Things to Avoid When Selecting a Divorce Attorney

1. Avoid Hiring the First Attorney You Interview

The urgency to “get it over with” can lead to a snap decision. You wouldn’t buy the first house you see, and you certainly shouldn’t hire the first lawyer you meet. This attorney might be a great fit, but you have no basis for comparison.

Why it’s a mistake: You need to gauge different personalities, communication styles, and fee structures. Each consultation gives you more insight into what you actually need and want in a legal partner. Aim to interview at least three different attorneys before making a commitment.

2. Avoid Choosing Based Solely on Cost

While your budget is a real concern, selecting an attorney based on who has the lowest hourly rate is a dangerous game. Divorce law, like any specialized field, often follows the “you get what you pay for” principle.

Why it’s a mistake: A less experienced attorney might charge less per hour, but they may take twice as long to complete tasks or miss crucial details that could cost you far more in the long run. Instead of focusing on the lowest price, look for an attorney who offers transparent, predictable billing and provides value that aligns with the complexity of your case.

3. Avoid Hiring a General Practitioner

You wouldn’t go to a general practitioner for heart surgery, so why go to a general practice lawyer for your divorce? A lawyer who handles a little bit of everything—wills, traffic tickets, real estate—is unlikely to have the nuanced, up-to-date knowledge required for family law.

Why it’s a mistake: Divorce law is incredibly complex and varies significantly by state. It involves intricate rules about asset division, child custody, and spousal support. A dedicated divorce attorney will know the local judges, the current precedents, and the specific strategies needed to protect your interests.

4. Avoid an Attorney Who Promises a “Win” at All Costs

Beware of any attorney who guarantees a specific outcome, such as “I’ll make sure you get full custody” or “You won’t have to pay a dime in support.” The legal system is unpredictable, and no ethical lawyer can promise a result.

Why it’s a mistake: This is often a sales tactic used by aggressive lawyers who may prioritize a combative, win-lose approach. This can escalate conflict, drive up legal fees, and make the entire process more traumatic for you and your children. A good lawyer will be honest about potential outcomes and focus on a realistic, strategic approach.

5. Avoid an Attorney Who Lacks Strong Communication Skills

During your initial consultation, pay close attention to how the divorce attorney communicates. Do they listen to you, or do they interrupt? Do they explain complex legal concepts in a way you can understand, or do they drown you in jargon?

Why it’s a mistake: If communication is poor from the start, it will only get worse as your case progresses. You need an attorney who is responsive, keeps you informed, and makes you feel heard. A lack of communication is one of the most common complaints clients have about their lawyers.

6. Avoid an Attorney Who Seems Overwhelmed or Disorganized

Notice the state of their office, their punctuality, and how their staff interacts with you. Are they scrambling to find your file? Are they constantly distracted by their phone or other staff members during your meeting?

Why it’s a mistake: These can be red flags for a disorganized or overworked practice. You need a divorce attorney who is detail-oriented and has the capacity to give your case the attention it deserves. An attorney who is juggling too many cases may miss deadlines or make careless errors.

7. Avoid Choosing a Lawyer Who Is Too Aggressive (or Too Passive)

The “pit bull” lawyer might seem appealing if you’re angry and want to go on the offensive. Conversely, a very passive lawyer might seem calming. You need to find a balance.

Why it’s a mistake: An overly aggressive lawyer can turn a potentially amicable situation into a costly war, inflaming tensions and making cooperation impossible. On the other hand, a lawyer who is too passive may not fight hard enough for your interests, leading to an unfavorable settlement. Look for a strategist who knows when to be firm and when to be collaborative.

8. Avoid an Attorney Who Doesn’t Ask You Enough Questions

During your consultation, a good divorce attorney should be interviewing you as much as you are interviewing them. They need to understand the full scope of your assets, your children’s needs, your concerns, and your goals.

Why it’s a mistake: If a lawyer gives you a generic plan without digging into the specifics of your unique situation, they are not preparing a tailored strategy. This one-size-fits-all approach can lead to missed opportunities and unforeseen problems down the road.

9. Avoid Ignoring Your Gut Feeling

You will be sharing deeply personal and sensitive information with this person. It is crucial that you feel comfortable and trust them. If something feels “off” during the consultation—perhaps you feel judged, dismissed, or simply don’t connect with their personality—listen to that instinct.

Why it’s a mistake: A lack of personal rapport can hinder your ability to be open and honest with your lawyer, which is essential for them to build the strongest possible case for you. This professional relationship needs to be built on a foundation of trust and mutual respect.

10. Avoid Not Checking References and Reviews

Most people wouldn’t hire a contractor without checking their reviews, yet they will hire a divorce attorney without doing the same basic research. Don’t just rely on the attorney’s curated website testimonials.

Why it’s a mistake: Look at independent review sites like Avvo, Martindale-Hubbell, or even Google My Business. Pay attention to patterns in the reviews. While one or two negative reviews are normal, a consistent theme of complaints about communication, billing, or professionalism is a major red flag. You can also ask the attorney if they can provide a reference from a past client.

The Takeaway

Selecting a divorce attorney is a deeply personal and strategic decision. By avoiding these ten common pitfalls, you empower yourself to find a legal partner who is not only competent and experienced but also aligned with your goals and values. Take your time, do your research, and choose a lawyer who will help you navigate this transition with clarity and confidence, setting you up for a stable and hopeful future.

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